The Hypocritical Oath

I have been to many doctors for the treatment of my various ailments for as long as I can remember, both physicians and alternative medicine practitioners. I especially despised the “hakims” (herbal medicine practitioner) with their bitter tasting medicines and the accompanying dietary restrictions.  No ice-cream, no candy, no fried food, no nothing! It took great willpower to follow such instructions at such a young age but I was able to accomplish this feat. Yet another ode to my fortitude!

Most of them are a distant memory. However, two come to mind as far as being memorable is concerned: one a doctor and the other a homeopath.

I unequivocally loathed the doctor. He was the Devil incarnate, every appointment an ordeal of epic proportions. Once he asked me the recipe of some breakfast item as I had told him I was taking cooking classes. The answer was easy according to him but when I could not respond correctly (the usual case), he proclaimed my responses to be slow! So in his expert opinion:

Me= Thickheaded + Dense + Dimwitted

I was only able to escape from his clutches when my final exams started. The latter being the lesser of two evils. Reasonably sure he must be a grumpy old man now.

The homeopath is also etched in my memory but for completely different reasons. The environs of her clinic were noteworthy. Actually, she had converted her garage into a clinic and there was no waiting room. Hence, everyone had to give a detailed narration of their illnesses and other awkward details which was exceedingly uncomfortable. Also, her favorite word was “symptomatic”. One memorable case there was of a 40something man whose complaint was that his black hair turns gray and then returns to its original shade. Mind-boggling indeed!  Anyway, I will refrain from further malice because Demortuis nihil nisi bonum (let nothing but good be spoken of the dead). She passed away a few years back.

Recently, my doctors’ visits have increased manifold. I've been to five different doctors in as many months. One refers me to another, it’s a vicious cycle. One of these illustrious five gave me six medicines for three symptoms. It just made everything worse.

Next, I went to another well renowned doctor whose appointment waiting period is at least six months. I was certainly privileged to have gotten one on an urgent basis (read: through someone). He did not give me any new medicines. Instead, I was handed a hefty bill for consultation and a minor test which I would have otherwise have gotten done for free. Very peeved I was!